If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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