I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
