nut hugger
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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