I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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