Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i permit you to call me
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I think a kid would responsible me up
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
