Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
