i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize