Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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