Can i not drive my cunt home
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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