i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize