Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
