there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize