You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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