I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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