when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
We are all done wearing pants today
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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