Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
