She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
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