I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
