dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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