I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
