Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
