I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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