We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
