don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
