Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
