He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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