Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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