Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize