Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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