If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
