Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
