I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
