it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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