I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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