i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
