it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
