u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
id be glad to
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
