Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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