your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You smell like stripper and shame
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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