You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
