I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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