You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize