just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
