no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I supernannyed him into submission
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
