Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
