Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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