she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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