I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
