i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
