he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
