i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
