Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
