does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
