i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
