my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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