We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
it's like iHOP with fire
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
