Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
