I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
