Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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