So drunk its hurt
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
