you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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