The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
