just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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