girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
