someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
