Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
