I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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