Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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