Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
