So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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