Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
