I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
