he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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