yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
